It’s been a while since my last post and for the few of you who have been asking when my next one would be, here it is. It is also probably going to be my last. (Don’t worry, it’s not because I’m dying! Well, not just quite yet!)
The reason I’m probably not going to write any more is that as of this week, it is a year since my second and last brain surgery / craniotomy; my ‘craniotomyversary’, if you will! Throughout this last horrific year, one thing has become clear to me; everyone has their own shit/cross to bear to deal with. So, I can’t keep prete
nding everything is normal if I keep interrupting mine and everyone else’s lives to get attention from this Blog. I think I will just pop up once a year and write “I’m still here, don’t worry!” and be done with it.
I have been incredibly lucky in many respects and am very grateful, particularly for my husband, my family and friends who have kept me alive this last year, and as ‘A’ said to me the other day, when I was having a mini meltdown about wedding outfits, “You don’t even look sick any more!” Hence the title of this post. I obviously still have terminal cancer but people wouldn’t know unless I told them or they caught me having an ‘off’ moment, or a ‘twinge’ as I call them. A twinge is a way of Tim the Tumour twat reminding me that he is still there and not to get too carried away with myself or he’ll ‘lay the smack-down on my ass’.
It’s true, people no longer look at me and give me the really kind, pity smile, or the head-bob for the FRIENDS fans. I had a lot of Oprah moments like these too:
So being Cancer Incognito is amazing! It helps that my hair has grown back and I’ve had it cut so you can’t see my bald spot, especially when I use a small Ozone destroyer sized can of hairspray. People don’t offer me their seat on the train (It only happened once, but still!) and it’s only really ‘A’ who holds the door open for me now.
8 months later:
I have been told that Tim the Tumour twat looks pretty settled so we just have to keep going and doing what we have been doing. They have extended my chemo for 6 months, which is fine as I don’t suffer too badly whilst on treatment. My next chemo week starts tomorrow and I’m going to do the Birmingham Colour Run on Saturday; it’s only 5K but even though I joined the gym a couple of months ago, I have been once. For about 35 minutes, so I’m a bit nervous!
To mark the anniversary, which one of my friends who I met/made in hospital called Julia, said to me a few months ago “I really didn’t expect you to be here now”, I got a tattoo. (Sorry again, Dad.)
Leanne and I had spoken about it before Christmas and after she unfortunately passed away, I was determined to do it. Me and Leanne would have celebrated our joint craniotomyversaries so well! Cocktails and dancing would have been a must. I did raise a glass to her and know she’ll be laughing at my attempt to do the Colour Run from somewhere. I can’t even remember what tattoos we discussed having but I went with something I liked as a piece of art as well as something symbolic to me. See below:
Although, we were lucky enough to go on holiday two weeks ago and I was conscious of it. We went to Santorini for a week and it was so beautiful. On the last day, I was sat on the sun bed in my itsy bitsy, teeny weeny (not!) bikini, with my trusty ‘Bruno Mars’ hat on (you have to wear a hat like a vampire would have to, to cover the bald parts from the radiation.). A lovely couple lay down next to me and the man after looking at my back, asked me if I ‘was a Neurosurgeon’?
Luckily being a teacher has prepared me for answering unexpected questions:
“Miss, are you pregnant or just a bit fatter?”, “Miss, I saw on youtube that Hitler is still alive in Argentina. Is it true?” etc. etc. or more difficult to give an answer to an innocent 12 year old “Miss, do you think that racism will always exist?” So I didn’t laugh in his face, and he took the real reason I had it very well.
The kids at school have kept me alive as well. By not treating me any differently at all, even when I was as bald as an egg and keeping me on my toes. Tim the Tumour twat didn’t know what the hell had hit him when I went back to work. It was definitely a turning point with regards to who had the most power, me or Tim the twat. I’m not one for giving serious advice, but going back to work so quickly was fantastic for me; I know not everyone can be so fortunate but it helps get your life back to normal.
I am currently enjoying the summer break with ‘A’ and as my Grandad, who sadly passed away last year, would always tell me “It’s your life, enjoy everyday.”…so I am and we will. And, if I miss the attention (unlikely) and questions I can always wear this:
And as always in my blogs, which if you follow the arrows below you can read all my previous posts- In memory of Leanne, donation page :
Other Brain Tumour charities and info:
Finally, over the last year lots of people have given me advice but nothing rang as true and went straight to my heart as much as the words from this video by Alan Watts.